Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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