Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
