i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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