Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
