That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
