yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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