I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bring money and cleavage
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
