Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
