i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
this hospital has no fireball
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
