apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
