Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
