my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
