How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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