sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
