Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
