Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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