Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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