he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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