I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
