The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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