Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
