next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
