If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
time to smoke my breakfast
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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