I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
