so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
