Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
