Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize