Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
