wakey wakey hands off snakey
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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