The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
