ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
