all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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