my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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