John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
