When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
