So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
