she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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