I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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