Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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