Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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