the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
