I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize