my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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