I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
