There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
