I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
