So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
50% drunk capacity currently
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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