You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
