No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
