what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
