I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
