i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He better not be in your backpack
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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