Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dignity is for republicans.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
