Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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