You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
