My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
