Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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