I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
