I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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