Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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