some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
