So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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