I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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