Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
