the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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