Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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