masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
