you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize