Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
