so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
