Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
