so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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