my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
