I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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