i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
