It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
