party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
