From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
