We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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