I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
