He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
