Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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