Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
