We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize