I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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