when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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