I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize