I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dick very happy bro
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
