life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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