My room smells like vodka and shame
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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